Earning Gil From a Fat Guy
by Pishivee
Summary: This is my boredom story. I just started off with Reno meeting a fat guy who he antagonizes, then I thought, hmm... let's make them be stuck with each other on a road trip to Kalm!...not long, enjoy my slangy style of no quotation marks all for reno.


**DISCLAIMER:** Guess what? I am Pishivee's twin, but I am also the good friend Tai Yagami! Okay, so I don't own any final fantasy names, places, characters, objects, animals, and all that wonderful Square-enix owned good stuff. So there. I bet you will never figure out who my favorite Turk is...

**Earning Gil from a Fat Guy**

So as I was going to work today, I was stopped on the street by a large man carrying a briefcase. He asked where Shinra Company was. How could you miss it, I wondered aloud. He seemed kind of upset with my sneering question, but all the same asked where he might find it? I said, hey man I'm going there now. Want a guide? His reply was yes please, the usual with humble fat business men.

You have to keep up with me though was my only requirement of him. He agreed, unknowing of my pace. So we walked the blocks of Midgar, him puffing and blowing behind me. I turned around. He was sweating like a pig, loosening his tie and heavy coat. That's what you get for being overstuffed, man, I thought.

Can't we take a taxi cab, sir? he moans. Guess what? We're almost there, I happily reply. He's getting tired of me. His definition of "almost there" obviously differs from mine, because he asks after ten minutes, Where are you leading me? Who are you? I say, we are almost there, hold your chocobos. I'm a professional. Of what? he asks.

Look at my uniform, my pudgy friend. What do you think I am? But the ignorant numskull has no idea and is thoroughly annoyed with me.

We finally reach Shinra building. He thanks me roughly and departs to the receptionist. I swipe my card and go up the elevator. Finally, I'm rid of the slug. Last time I do something like that.

Y'know, being in my line of work demands all kinds of skills and we are assigned all kinds of tasks, difficult and useless alike. I reach the office of my senior. It's really the Chief's office, but the Chief has vanished. Our president wants us to find him and kill him for reasons I don't really want to say. So the senior officer is now the new Chief, though he's got some things to learn.

Anyway, I report to him. He says, I got something for you. He knows we are looking for the Chief, but still the President offers us other tasks. Yeah I know, I say. He continues, You are to escort a man carrying valuable information to Kalm. What the hell? That's inferior work. SOLDIERs can do that, I protest. Are you going to disobey an order? he threatens. NO SIR! I plead. But why don't you give that job to another Turk?

Because I want you to do it. Now just wait here for him. He shall be coming up shortly. Try to behave. I say, Sir, I can do that. So we wait.

Guess what? My charge is the man I JUST GUIDED HERE, that old fat guy. But I keep a straight face when he looks in to the office. My new Chief says, Sir, this here is Reno. He shall be your escort. Reno? he says. Well, now, my name is Garai. I believe I have already met him this morning.

Yeah, nice to see you again, healthy as ever, I comment. My chief glares at me, and I understand his stare. I bow my self out, and the heavy man follows.

This time we take a cab, for the old guy's health. I speak only when asked questions, having no want to be here with this man. I have other things to do. I suppose I can't ask what kind of information you're carrying, can I? No, please don't, he gruffly answers. We get to the train station. For some reason he stands around high and mighty and doesn't approach the ticket window. What's the matter I ask? Young man, as my escort, should not you purchase the tickets? Oh right, I'm new at this, sorry, never escorted anyone of your status… I lie.

So I buy the damn tickets, one for me and one for my huge encumbrance. We go to the seventh sector train station. Then we walk on over to a special Shinra chocobo stable. Hope you don't mind, I say. As long as I get there safely, he replies, though sounding reluctant. They don't have automobiles in the slums, I explain. And we can't exactly drive off the pizza plate. This is fine, this is fine, he hastily says. So we pick out some chocobos and leave.

The journey takes all of a day. I realize I could have been home at evening today if we'd a taken a helicopter. Sheeesh…too late now. And we had to stop at least three times today for the old guy. Why he can't eat riding a chocobo…?

We finally enter Kalm. He proceeds to the front of some building. Thanks young man, he thanks. No problem, all in the job, I say. He seems kind of disgusted at this. Maybe he was hoping I would have done that by myself out of the kindness of my heart. Guess again.

Well, goodnight. This should be enough. Thank you again. He hands me 2000 gil. Whoa… hold on a sec, don't need to do that much…

No, thank you young man, that is what you deserve. Then he just enters the building. Okay…now I have to take these chocobos back. So, I bet the Chief'll let me sleep in. I begin my journey back.

I arrive at my house around eight the next morning. I call the Chief and ask, Do I have anything requested of me today? He hears my fatigue and sympathetically answers, No. You haven't slept yet have you? Nope, well actually on the train, but that ain't long enough. Reno, I know. Just stay home and sleep. So I do.

Is that all to your story? she asks. Yeah, now what's yours for tonight? I didn't say I would tell you any stories, she says. You did when I said, I'm gonna tell you a story in exchange for one of yours. You said, sure okay. Hey, I was only saying that in response to your notion to tell a story, not because I was going to tell you one! she says. Oh fine, be a wet blanket, I say.

What's the point of that story anyway? Is there a moral?

No, just telling you a story.

Well, if there was, what do you think the moral would be?

Uhh...how the hell should I know? I just led a fat guy to Kalm.

But you must've gained something from that experience if you still remember it.

Hey, I remember lots of missions, and the stupidest ones are hard to forget.

Then I'll make up a moral. How about, No Matter What Kind Of Person They Are Or Who They Ask For It From, People Appreciate Help.

You just have to ruin everything, huh? What about, Help A Fat Guy, Earn Money?

Oh, shut up.


End file.
